If you have followed me a while, then you know I have been on this journey to find my happiness and keep it. I had been doing pretty well and then last week happened.
I went to a beautiful bridal shower on Sunday, and I had a slight moment of “will I ever have one?” But then it didn’t bother me too much. I just had the thought. Then I wasn’t accepted into the Fohr freshman class and at that point I began to spiral.
I decided I was going to quit blogging because what’s the point. I’ve been at this for a while, not seeing much growth or engagement and brands aren’t reaching out so why even keep wasting my time.
From there it went to, I’m almost 42, online dating sucks, I’m super single and trying to have a baby now would be the hardest thing ever and finally I’ve definitely gained weight.
I mean y’all, I went there. The spiral kept going and for the most part I kept it inside because this isn’t new. My friends have heard this a 100 times. Nobody wants to always hear a sob story. Plus, I’m supposed to be the poster child of living my best life and finding my happy. Can we say EPIC FAIL?
It was a lot, and it hadn’t happened in a while so I thought I was living my best life. Oh, and I had the audacity to catch up on “This is Us,” I watched about three or four episodes. Note to self and others…if you are already spiraling DO NOT watch “This is Us” I was a blubbery, crying mess, LOL!
The upside is I kept functioning…back in the day I would want to crawl in a hole and I would eat my feelings. This time I didn’t do either. I kept going, although internally I was sad.
Although I would be lying if I said I was 100% back (I’m getting there) what I have decided it that it’s okay to not be okay.
I was/am working so hard on finding my happiness that I was losing myself trying too hard to be happy. The majority of the time I am happy, but it’s okay to have these feelings. I think I was working so hard on trying to bury them as if it was a bad thing and it’s not. In the words of Ledisi, these are the pieces of me.
XO
Crowned CaNesha
